|This is a bagel. What |
did you think it was?
Of course, we shouldn't forget the memorial offerings not meant to pass through the alimentary canal: perfume, knee socks, beer koozies, curling irons, chewing gum, flip flops, beach balls, tote bags, vegetable peelers, bathrobes, fishing rods,chip clips, aprons, emery boards, tiaras (tiari?), golf tees, teddy bears, car fresheners, tablecloths, tambourines, mailbox covers, guns, gnomes, cowbells and vibrators.
The Keep A Breast Foundation appeals to youth culture with "i❤boobies!" wristbands and makes early detection cool with its #checkyourselfie Twitter campaign. I'm happy that, aside from a few confused bird lovers, its site reaches hip youngsters who won't pay attention to important things with boring or yucky names. Though its moniker is catchy, I wish KAB had found a different play on words to suggest we keep both breasts. Perhaps the bracelet should say "i❤booby!", though it seems wrong to play favorites with one's breasts...or fun bags, for any young people reading this.
Baker Hughes, an oilfield service company, painted 1,000 of its drill bits pink, apparently to raise awareness miles underground where they will hydraulically fracture rock to free patches of oil. It then donated $100,000 to the Susan G. Komen Foundation and adopted the slogan "Doing Our Bit for the Cure." The company reported $5,700,000,000 in revenue with a net profit of $336,000,000 in the first quarter of 2014. Projected annually, Baker Hughes has given .007% of its profits to the charity. In this instance, it would seem that the "bit" has a third meaning, as in "Giving a Little Bit for the Cure."
*****I began my journey into the heart of pinkness innocently enough, intending only to write about JC Penney's new ads, in which pennies (get it?) are held over women's breasts. Critics complain they devalue women but I say kudos to them for sexualizing small change. Lincoln would be so proud. At least they tell us to save them, not pinch them. That would be disrespectful.
Once I started looking into the subject, I couldn't help but notice that there are an awful lot of products associated with Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I have catalogued some of the more memorable ones here. It is by no means an exhaustive list but I can tell you it has exhausted me.
Gear for the sportswoman or man who's comfortable in his masculinity.
No matter how you choose to adorn your garden and car or wildly overestimate the resale value of commemorative coins, please do not ever do this to your dog.
At least two of these items make bath time lots of fun. Getting drunk and needing more cowbell is up to you. Unfortunately, researching the be-ribboned vibrator has negatively impacted my Amazon recommendation list.
Perhaps my favorite product tie-in is this special, limited edition of the PedEgg, a cheese grater-like callus remover, which makes sense because, as we all know, feet are the boobs of the legs.
More like this:
Good News. Really.
More Louise Hay Garbage
Tales from the Waiting Room
I See Your Breast and Raise You a Penis: A Word Game