11/02/2008

Too Funny for K-Mart

Funny Pictures


This guy is a true performance artist! He's hilarious--the kind of guy friends live vicariously through, but breathe a sigh of relief when he goes home. And at home is his poor wife, who probably doesn't realize what a favor her husband's done in getting her banned from K-Mart. With the right meds, he could be a real catch.

I remember switching people's carts at the supermarket when I was a teenager. I also had a penchant for stealing "Shoplifters will be Prosecuted" signs; I still do but it's tempered by the fear of getting caught.

More recently, I placed nude photos of women in random spots at the Salt Lake City airport. It really offended me that the magazine stands felt the need to cover the chests of swimsuited women on its covers. So I just felt like shocking a few Mormons. Don't worry--it was tasteful nudity. Wouldn't want to poison young hearts and minds with the sight of a poorly-lit tit.

But I digress. What I really want to say is, Mr. Fenton, don't give up! Since that letter's from 2005, the K-Mart's probably long gone, swallowed up by Wal Mart. Between that, Costco, Target and Home Depot, you should be set for life. But remember--pace yourself. The world can only handle a little comedy at a time.

7 comments:

  1. Oh, that's some funny stuff... Your placement of nude photos before Mormons is something I support. In general, people need to loosen up. In fact, I believe climate change is not caused by greenhouse gases, but by an overwhelming amount of clenched assholes throughout the world that are causing tiny singularities on our planet surface thereby shifting ocean currents and the jet stream. If people laughed and made love more, the world would be a happier, less polluted place.

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  2. Mrs. Fenton must have one helluva lifestyle living with that guy. He's great! I'd love to watch him in action...my kind of guy!

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  3. @john--That is an intriguing theory. The answer might lie in Botoxing all those assholes, rendering the muscles useless. Then we should invest in Depends. We'll make a killing.

    @don--Yeah, I like the guy. I hope he isn't medicated to the gills somewhere, drooling and watching the soaps.

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  4. Good idea... I have got to the switching carts thingy...

    add to my Stuff-to-do-before-I-die list

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  5. That was funny enough to make me squint and cuss because the print was so small, but by god, I finished it and really wished I had that for MY post. Too funny to steal though. Even us thieves have our pride.

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  6. hahahaha! I only wish I was half as devious. :)

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  7. @kat-- Love your handle! Add throwing a big box of maxipads in a big burly guy's cart to your bucket list, too. It's fun and there's little chance of being arrested. What could be better than that?

    @dana-- Take it! If you would tip you hat to me by mentioning my name, that would be cool. Then there's honor among thieves.

    @chat-- I read your blog. Don't underestimate yourself. You could be plenty devious!

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