Too Funny for K-Mart
This guy is a true performance artist! He's hilarious--the kind of guy friends live vicariously through, but breathe a sigh of relief when he goes home. And at home is his poor wife, who probably doesn't realize what a favor her husband's done in getting her banned from K-Mart. With the right meds, he could be a real catch.
I remember switching people's carts at the supermarket when I was a teenager. I also had a penchant for stealing "Shoplifters will be Prosecuted" signs; I still do but it's tempered by the fear of getting caught.
More recently, I placed nude photos of women in random spots at the Salt Lake City airport. It really offended me that the magazine stands felt the need to cover the chests of swimsuited women on its covers. So I just felt like shocking a few Mormons. Don't worry--it was tasteful nudity. Wouldn't want to poison young hearts and minds with the sight of a poorly-lit tit.
But I digress. What I really want to say is, Mr. Fenton, don't give up! Since that letter's from 2005, the K-Mart's probably long gone, swallowed up by Wal Mart. Between that, Costco, Target and Home Depot, you should be set for life. But remember--pace yourself. The world can only handle a little comedy at a time.