It's summer camp time at HBDC--Humor Bloggers Dot Com. Since I've never been to camp before I've been hiding in a storage closet. I hear something scratching at the door. Just in case it's a raccoon, I'm staying in here. Raccoons will try to sucker you in with their cute little bandit masks and adorable little hands, but it's a trap. They will chew through your jugular in a heartbeat.The one thing I heard as a teen from the kids who were lucky enough to go to camp was this: don't let someone put your hand in a bucket of warm water when you're asleep. They never told me what happens. I figured it had something to do with erections and/or peeing the bed, since that's what kids would consider hilarious. Okay, adults too.
I'm not really sure how to prevent this from happening, since you'd be asleep. Just in case it's about erections, try to have female genitalia. And to be on the safe side, don't drink anything for the whole week.
That's all I can tell you. You're probably better off reading Red Raider's survival tips. Then stop by ThinkinFyou for her tactics. Then bring me some Bactine, will you? I'm covered with skeeter bites in here. But I'm not thirsty. Don't give me any fluids no matter how much I beg.
19 Comments; Click here to comment.:
I've tried the whole putting someone's hand in a bucket of water thing,but I always would chicken out and take their hand back out of the water. I was afraid that they would start peeing and I'd get their urine on me. YUCK!
I think if you stuck something else in that bucket of water you'd lose that erection. It's called "shrinkage". Might still pee though.
@thinkinfu: Really? So it is about peeing? Did you get so close that you might get urinated on? That sounds kinky.
@nonamedufus: I love your site, especially your clothesline photo. And your survival tip regarding Canadian Club is a must-read.
i carry a stick around with me. for a fire. im a survivor.
@Nooter: Make sure you walk softly, too, and everything will be okay.
Hey, that's a good idea about female genitalia! I'm going to head down to Trinidad right now and get me a new cooter before camp starts. Thanks!
@MikeWJ: Just remember not to sneeze for two weeks afterward, or they'll have to start from scratch.
I think it is about peeing, because that's what it was in a M*A*S*H episode years ago.
How do you know so much about raccoons? You have a lot of them in New York? I thought it would be the cockroaches there or the rats you'd have to worry about. ;)
@Unfinished: I used to live in Northern New York and we had many raccoons up there. They are vicious bastards known to carry away small children in their blood-soaked maws. (Not really, but what are they going to do--sue me for defamation?)
But you're right, in New York City, cockroaches are a much bigger problem. I'm uncomfortable with creatures with chitinous exoskeletons as a general rule. I used to have a pet rat so they don't bother me. But I wouldn't want one in my apartment uninvited.
Yes it's all about the piss. I've never known anyone that has tried it though. I'd really like to know if it even works.
@Don: I'd experiment on my husband but then I'd have to clean it up. Maybe if I could get him to go to sleep on a tarp....
my weirdo children tried it on their sleeping brother unbeknownst (sp?) to me. but they couldn't get his hands out from under his chest, so they used his foot...did not work...don't know about hand though?
I've always been really very curious about the hand in water trick. Does it really work? I'd love to know so I could try it out on a housemate or someone equally vulnerable.
I hope the raccoons dont eat you. I thought they were friendly critters, like the one in Pochantas!!! xxx
I got food poisoning at camp, you're better off missing it!
Yes the hand in water trick really does work to make someone pee themselves while sleeping. I should know, I did it to my older brother often enough. In fact every time he'd get me in trouble with my parents when he's the one who did something wrong, I paid him back by dipping his hand first in warm water and then in cold. Instant pee...lol. Served him right for blaming his messes on me :D
By the way, no one ever did find out that I was doing that. In fact my mom finally convinced him that since he peed the bed every time he lied about something, maybe he should quit lying and just fess up to what he had done! Yep, worked like a charm!
@mary: Your kids were very inventive. I'd think it would work with any extremity. Thank God they didn't dunk his head underwater!
@Anna Jane: Now I fear I have smeared the raccoons' reputation. Honestly, they only really bother people whose garbage cans they tip over and raid.
@chris: Barfing at camp must have been a serious bummer. Did it happen to other kids, too? Tandem vomiting would be even worse: I could see all the weak-stomached counselors joining in.
@Skye: Man, you scarred him for life. Just for fun, at his next birthday party, tell the story to everybody and make sure you get his reaction on video. That would be priceless.
Then you could post it on YouTube and link it here. He'll never recover.
I should have done that for his most recent b-day, he turned 40 at the beginning of July. That would have been hilarious! Trouble is, I don't have much to do with family anymore, but it would have made a great b-day surprise!
Now that I'm forewarned about my spouse's nefarious prank, I'll know the real deal if she starts talking about the health benefits of sleeping on tarps.
@Skye: It would be a good way to ensure that you remain out of touch!
@My Better Half: Curses! Foiled again. Now I can't pull this stunt on you...but now I also know that you do read my blog. It's bittersweet. You're my lobster.
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