4 More Signs I'm Getting Old

The magick sandwich may be ageless, but I am not. The following is more evidence that I am calcifying at an alarming rate of speed.

1. I woke up this morning with a hellacious crick in my neck. Not "crick" as in creek or the Nobel Prize winner, but as in painful muscle spasm. As I write, I'm hunched over like Igor, Dr. Frankenstein's hunchbacked lab assistant. (Igor didn't exist in the book or the movie, but you get the idea.)

2. I got distracted by a Google search about Dr. Frankenstein's lab assistant.

3. I read an article online titled Is Glenn Beck Finished? and then spent half an hour writing an email to AlterNet.org detailing the post's numerous spelling and grammatical errors and urging the editors to actually, um, edit it so I wouldn't be embarrassed to share the story with my friends. (P.S. Would that it could happen but I fear that Glenn Beck isn't going anywhere.)

4. My husband and I have tickets to see Heaven and Hell tonight at the WaMu Theater, a smaller venue within Madison Square Garden. The band is made up of Tony Iommi, Ronnie James Dio, Geezer Butler and Vinny Appice, a.k.a Black Sabbath minus Ozzy Osbourne.

After the last concert we saw at the Garden, which happened to be Ozzy himself, we decided we were "getting too old for this shit." Actually, we mouthed it to each other since we were deafened by the ringing in our ears indicating permanent hearing loss. Stadium rock with its earsplitting volume and arrhythmia-inducing bass was no longer an option for us.

The smaller arena is a more civilized alternative...or it would be, if we were going. We're blowing it off. Although Hubby plays guitar and likes Dio's chops, he complained he won't know most of the tunes. I don't want to sit through an evening of unfamiliar hair metal just to hear "Holy Diver."

So, we'll stay at home and reassure ourselves that we're still cool because we've got tickets to see ZZ Top next month at the Beacon Theater, a nice small space with excellent acoustics. ZZ was forced to cancel its concert with Aerosmith at Madison Square Garden after Steven Tyler fell off a stage and broke his shoulder. Hey, at least it wasn't his hip. It seems we're all getting old.

Another ageist post:
7 Signs I'm Getting Old


  1. Kathcom's guitar-playing spouseAugust 25, 2009 at 1:17 PM

    This is nitpicking, but Dio and crew can't be considered hair metal because they pre-date all those 80s-era bands. That's all for now. I have to take it easy because my creaky old joints are acting up as I walk around my office bellowing at various employees. : )

  2. Nice try, spousal unit. Take a look at Dio's coiffure, will you? Hair simply refers to the teased look and can be used in reference to any kind of metal, be it glam, thrash, heavy or death.

    Even if I'm wrong (I'm not), you know you love hair metal, too. Fess up!

    Fun fact: Ronnie James Dio helped popularize the devil horns gesture, also known as corna, while touring with Sabbath in the 1970s. And he had big hair back then, too.

  3. Kathcom's righteously correct spousal unitAugust 25, 2009 at 2:49 PM

    Beloved spousal unit, it is YOU that is wrong. "Hair metal" refers only tangentially to the teased, Aqua Net-stabilized hair styles of such signature 80s bands as Quiet Riot, Warrant, Ratt, Poison, Whitesnake, Cinderella, Motley Crue, Dokken, Tesla, Def Leppard, Bon Jovi, et al. The term hair metal refers to a particular musical style featuring high vocal harmonies, a concentration on blues-rock and modal melodic structures, and speedy guitar solos flavored with lots of sustain and distortion provided by high-gain amplifiers from Marshall, Mesa Boogie, and Soldano. Ronnie James Dio and his contemporaries certainly laid much of the heavy metal musical foundation underlying hair metal, but they were not of the hair metal generation. I have umpteen articles and references that will support my position, mon chere.

  4. Oh please don't talk about getting old! My boss is 10 years younger than I am, and most of my coworkers are around the ages of my older 2 kids! It's a real scary thought you know, getting old that is!

  5. @spouse: Don't make me play the "you have to live with me when you get home" card. I will Wikipedia the floor with your ass. And you'll wish we'd gone to that stupid concert.

    @Skye: Hey, age is just a number, right? An ever-increasing number which stops only for the grave. Damn, I need to lighten up.

    Meanwhile, I still have the stupid crick in my neck, but now it's from sitting in front of my laptop all day. Old age isn't making me smarter.

  6. All you had to type was "I've got ZZ Top tickets" four times, and call it a day.

  7. PS-- I just got an email from Alternet thanking me. They made the changes. At least someone appreciates me.

  8. I'd love to see that show! Wish I lived in NYC so I could hit y'all up for the tickets, har har...

    I'm of fan of Black Sabbath and of all Dio's work as well.

    (I saw Ozzy back in the day, less than a week before Randy Rhoads got killed.)

  9. @alapoet: Wow. Randy Rhoads was the best.

  10. Your spousal unit is correct on the hair metal front for all the reasons he outlined, and I can understand not going to a concert where you didn't know any of the songs. Three words: Neil Young: Greendale. Actually, I'll add in a fourth word: Sucked. ZZ Top, though, that would rule.

  11. You're not getting old, just more refined ;-)

    Oh, and +1 for mentioning Holy Diver (throws devil horns!)

  12. @unfinished: My hubby thanks you for agreeing with him. (He says he feels "validated." Quotes mine.) I did listen to the Heaven and Hell back in the early 80s. I loved to torture my grandmother with it. So I know some of their music.

    We both thank you for supporting our like of ZZ Top. You probably know that Billy Gibbons hung out with Jimi Hendrix. Some people got their music lessons exclusively from MTV.

    In terms of sheer suck factor, I have to cite YES. I suffered through that concert only for my husband. And I will never let him forget it.

  13. @Herman: Thank you, sir. I will take that as a compliment in spite of (because of?)your winking emoticon.

    I remember the first time I heard Holy Diver. A bunch of kids went to this guy's house who had it and he held up the cover and we all went, "Whoa." Thus began my long association with atheism and alcohol.

  14. I'm turning 31 in a couple of weeks and all the people who work for me are 19-22 yrs old. One of them had never heard of Dynasty?!

  15. ::sigh:: At least you guys go out at night. We run inside as soon as the street lights go on.

  16. Don't worry, I think we all start to show signs of ageing even whilst we're still in the prime of our youth. I can totally relate to the delight of highlighting grammatical errors in a written piece! The other day I think I found some varicose veins. I'm not even 20 yet. HELP.

  17. @brookeamanda: You're only 31? Aren't you too young to remember Dynasty? This is what happens as you get older: everyone else seems impossibly young. When you were 19-22, you probably hated hearing people tell you you were a baby. I know I did. Now you're turning 31--happy birthday, by the way--and I'm turning 44 and I think you're a baby!

    @Bee: That's why I bought the tickets--to force us to go out at night. Look how well that worked out!

    @AnnaJane: Take it from me: when you are my age, you'll look back at yourself and think, "Why didn't I enjoy it while I had it?" I felt so awkward when I was 20: now I'd have to saw myself in half to be that size again. (Not that that is going to happen to you.)

    I know this is going to sound incredibly ageist, but I've read your blog and you seem way too pulled together to be 19. Please take that as a compliment even though it doesn't sound like one.

  18. Just a few notes:

    1. I am old and refuse to talk about it.

    2. Your spousal unit is HILARIOUS! Does he have a blog?

    3. In response to yours and alapoet's comments -- I actually met Randy Rhodes at the Whiskey-a-go-go in Hollywood when he was in a local band called Quiet Riot (which I don't believe had anything to do with THE Quiet Riot -- but actually predated it). He was very nice and talked to me for 20 solid minutes. One of the greatest guitarists I've ever seen.

  19. It's sad Kat but you are getting old! These signs you share with us are really good definite signs of the aging process... like I said on blognegage hahah you old fart LOL

  20. OLD is when you get totally giddy at the prospect of a nap. I know.

  21. Yeah, my wife and I haven't been to too many clubs lately. I think she thinks we're getting too old, but she won't voice it.

  22. ...at least he didn't break a hip, lol.

    omg - #2 made me actually laugh out loud ... hahahaha, only 'cause it sounded so damn familiar.

  23. Anyone who knows what Aqua Net was is old.

    But I must admit, you guys are hilarious. You can replace the three stooges :) Now thats old!

  24. Getting old is only in our mind.
    Age never prevented people from doing things:

  25. @DeadRooster: Age is relative on the Web. I think the median age of users is 26. Am I guessing too high?

    Spousal unit thanks you. You're right: he is hilarious. That's one of the things I love about him. Sadly, he does not write a blog. He did one post for me called Dear Presidential Candidate, You're Ignorant, but that's the extent of it.

    You hung out with Randy Rhoads? We're not worthy!

    @bbrian017: I'm going to let you off the hook this time for calling me an old fart. That's because even though you are still wet behind the years, you created blogengage, a great site for bloggers. I am in your debt. But don't push it.

    @dana: You are so right. A nap sounds wonderful and I just got up!

    @JohnJSavo: I prefer to think of it as having a lower bullshit tolerance. The noise, the crowds: no thanks. We went to the trouble of making a home. Why wouldn't we want to be there? (Wow. That sounds like something an old person would say, doesn't it?

    @Drowsey: Did you watch the YouTube video I linked to? He struts himself right off the stage.

    If you made a pie chart of my life, aimless Googler searches would be a hefty wedge.

    @MichaelR: Aqua Net is still made, just without all the ozone layer-killing CFCs and such. I'd never use it, though. The smell reminds me of stage fright doing high school plays: we always used it and now it's a memory trigger.

    Thanks you for thinking we're funny. We should charge admission to our fights: they're hilarious. Our neighbors get to hear it for free.

    @whatwas: Your prose is so inspiring but when I go to your page, it will only tell me who died at 44. That's not the birthday greeting I wanted to see.

  26. Why dying?
    At the age of 44 you can also become the President of Venezuela.


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