I Want My Money Back!

From Friday's New York Times:

Parent alert: the Walt Disney Company is now offering refunds for all those “Baby Einstein” videos that did not make children into geniuses.

Obviously, Disney has not been delivering on its implied promise to parents buying Einstein and its other titles, Baby Mozart, Baby Shakespeare and Baby Galileo. Susan Linn, director of Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood, decided to do something about it.

In 2006, she prevailed upon Disney and another company, Brainy Baby, to drop the word "educational" from their marketing. But this wasn't enough to warn parents that their children would not become the next Jonas Salk or Madame Curie by viewing a few DVDs.

“Disney was never held accountable, and parents were never given any compensation. So we shared our information and research with a team of public health lawyers,” Ms. Linn said.

After threatening a class-action lawsuit alleging unfair and deceptive advertising, these brave crusaders were able to secure a full refund for anyone feeling unfairly saddled by a still-stupid baby. After all, Disney must be held responsible for a child doodling with poop when he should be explaining string theory.

According to the article, studies have been done which show that television watching from one through three years of age is associated with attention problems at age seven. As opposed to attention problems from just, say, being seven.

Isn't it ironic that the people running these studies were probably raised by mothers who drank and smoked while pregnant and didn't baby-proof their homes? Now we don't even have toilet-drownings or socket-forkings to thin the herd.

I hope it's not too late to get in on this action. I spent years playing with the Fisher Price farm set, yet I now live in a city and cannot grow crops, not even a measly window sill garden. My Easy Bake oven did not imbue me with pastry-making aplomb. Watching Scooby Doo failed to help me solve crime. And my experience with Weebles, which wobble but don't fall down, is still too painful for me to talk about. Where's my refund?

Generations of children who longed for Barbie and Ken's pleasingly smooth nether regions could only grow to feel shame for their own clumsy, real world genitalia. I say a cruel injustice has been perpetrated here. I call on Susan Linn to right it, to speak for those too young or too stupid to seize the opportunity for notoriety and fiduciary gain. Maybe Disney could do a video teaching us all about that.

A semi-related post:
Stupid Baby Names, Part Duh

Magick Monday Morning Cartoon

Here at Magick Sandwich HQ, we've got nothing to say but it's okay. Good morning, good morning, good morning!

--from The New Yorker's Cartoon Bank

More Mondays:
Magick Monday Manscaping
Magick Monday Cartoon
Just Another Magick Monday

Fighting the Politics of Spite

From today's New York Times:

The Politics of Spite by Paul Krugman

There was what President Obama likes to call a teachable moment last week, when the International Olympic Committee rejected Chicago’s bid to be host of the 2016 Summer Games.

“Cheers erupted” at the headquarters of the conservative Weekly Standard, according to a blog post by a member of the magazine’s staff, with the headline “Obama loses! Obama loses!” Rush Limbaugh declared himself “gleeful.” “World Rejects Obama,” gloated the Drudge Report. And so on....

To be sure, while celebrating America’s rebuff by the Olympic Committee was puerile, it didn’t do any real harm. But the same principle of spite has determined Republican positions on more serious matters, with potentially serious consequences — in particular, in the debate over health care reform.

The main G.O.P. line of attack is the claim — based mainly on lies about death panels and so on — that reform will undermine Medicare. And this line of attack is utterly at odds both with the party’s traditions and with what conservatives claim to believe.

Think about just how bizarre it is for Republicans to position themselves as the defenders of unrestricted Medicare spending. First of all, the modern G.O.P. considers itself the party of Ronald Reagan — and Reagan was a fierce opponent of Medicare’s creation, warning that it would destroy American freedom. (Honest.) In the 1990s, Newt Gingrich tried to force drastic cuts in Medicare financing. And in recent years, Republicans have repeatedly decried the growth in entitlement spending — growth that is largely driven by rising health care costs.

...The result has been a cynical, ends-justify-the-means approach with the G.O.P. opposing anything that might be good for Obama. Hastening the day when the rightful governing party returns to power is all that matters, so the G.O.P. will seize any club at hand with which to beat the current administration.

*****

Mr. Krugman, I heartily agree. The GOP is filled with spiteful bullies. Perhaps Democrats need to learn from how well it seems to work for them. Instead of whining about how "mean people suck," the Dems need to learn the skill of bare knuckle fighting that the GOP excels at.

Perhaps then, the Democratic Party will rally behind President Obama and vote together for a health care plan that will help our citizens while keeping up the all-important appearance of party unity. How is it that when Democrats finally have the power that they have been fighting for since the Reagan era, they insist on squabbling amongst themselves?

Learn how to handle the tea partiers and nutball town meeting disrupters. Deal with them from a position of strength, more like Barney Frank and less like a skinny kid hanging from his underwear in the locker room. The nerds are in charge. Act like it!

Maybe then the Democrats will stop snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. President Obama is saddled with a thankless, Herculean task. He is trying to educate and involve the American people in his efforts. His party needs to work with him and elevate the national discourse. Otherwise, he will be drowned out by the lowest common denominator. Didn't he get elected because we've had enough of that?