It's that time of year again. Are you wondering what to get for your loved ones to show you really care? Avoid the Walmart scrum and spread Christmas cheer this season with Magick Sandwich's sure-to-please holiday gift list!
First, for the friend whose dog makes sweet love to your pant leg as soon as you step in the door, we recommend Hot Doll, the first sex toy for dogs. Its legs boast a "no slide" system and its cone is made from "the same materials used by veterinarians."
For the aunt who wears leggings because they're "slimming" and who hasn't seen south of her own border in umpteen pounds, we suggest the Cuchini Camel Toe Solution. It fits inside her drawers to shore up her sagging nethers. Her inseam will thank you.
If you'd like to see the before and after photos, you'll have to visit the site. Showing a doggy sex toy is one thing, but we have to draw the line somewhere. Standards must be maintained. A bacon merkin, on the other hand? Good clean fun.
Distract the coworker who gets preachy about your lunch with What Would Jesus Eat?: The Ultimate Program for Eating Well, Feeling Great and Living Longer. (Spoiler alert: He's not a fan of processed white bread but He does recommend non-fat cream cheese.)
Along with its companion cookbook, no doubt straight from the savior's test kitchen, it's the perfect gift for the believer who wonders, "Are these fishes sourced locally?"
Finally, give that special someone languishing on an organ donor list the gift of a life sized plush organ from the folks at iheartguts.com.
Some of the organs available are the testicle, ovary, gallbladder, lung, prostate and spleen. Maybe while Uncle Roy clutches this adorable, festively colored plush liver, he'll think about taking better care of his next one. If he gets one. If not, you can always re-gift it to one of the other hopeless drunks in your family. Do they sell in bulk?
Well, that's all for now. Click here for more gift ideas. While you're at it, see our advice on gifts for depressed and/or lonely friends, bacon lovers and drunkards. Remember: Don't wait for their birthdays. They may be dead by then.™
More gift-giving know-how:
Great Holiday Gifts: Bacon Edition
Great Gifts for Depressed Friends!
Great Gifts for Everyone on Your List!