4/26/2013

Today's Special: Hot and Spicy Spam

Normally, I wouldn't make a sandwich, especially a magick one, with Spam. It's a scourge for blogs, necessitating moderation of every last comment. I used to be so happy that a reader, even one with wobbly English, had taken the time to write...and then I'd get to the sales pitch for a sex toy or an Indian escort service. (I assume rubber genitalia are easier to get through Customs.) Needless to say, the thrill is gone.

Spam emails aren't much fun, either. But this morning, I got a good one from Mr. Bongaki Khonu* who needs me "to receive $18.720M and we will discuss what we both stand to benefit." Once I have the money, what does he think he's going to get from me, the zero at the end of the millions? What's that for, anyway? What a sucker! The money "belongs to my late client who has the same last name with you." (Note to self: Change last name to Undisclosed-Recipients.) "He passed away five years ago in a boat disaster." This really hooks me. It's so vague in its specificity. It could mean anything from drowning in the bilge water on a Carnival cruise to losing a high stakes game of Battleship.

I was already planning to buy a solid gold toilet when I opened this gem, titled "Sleep with 6 girls in the next 6 days...guaranteed!" Now this is some Hot and Spicy Spam.

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Scientists at Harvad University have discovered a strange secret that allows you to control women's minds. And make them want to sleep with you. 

Women worldwide are OUTRAGED because they trusted the scientists to use their research for good...

But instead they have discovered the secret to making women horney and attracted to you

Click Here to Discover the Secret

And then use the scientists' discoveries to get chicks into your bed.
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Those frigging scientists. We should have known they wouldn't use their powers for good. How else are they going to get laid...by curing world hunger? I don't think so. (And shame on you if you clicked that link. Now get back to work.)


*name changed


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